Chronicles of a Nigerian Daughter

Hey YOU, here’s one for the weekend. For a more intriguing weekend, go visit moskedapages.com Enjoy and Thank me later.

Nigerian moms reputation precedes them, they can be your best friend this minute and a total brutal stranger the next minute. But all in all, they are your biggest fans and have quirky ways of displaying their love. I have over 2 decades experience with my mom and here are a few of the memorable moments I have had the privilege of sharing with her.

• My mom is emotionally attached to me and vice versa, I also enjoy preferential treatment probably because I am the last child or because we have a lot of behavioural attributes in common. While in primary school, she would braid my hair, pack  it in four buns during the end of the year parties, teach me songs, tell me stories, recite my plays with me etc. We spent a lot of time together at nights when waiting for my dad to return from work and it was a good bonding time. She would drive her car to come pick me up from my school which was just a stone throw away and have hot lunch ready for me whenever she was on leave. I still get the impression she wishes I was still a little girl, could sit comfortably on her laps and make childish promises I could not fulfill. *she still tries to blackmail me sometimes*and she even admits that she misses those days. Well….. life happened, I grew bigger and taller.
• My mum was so protective of me while I was in primary school, I explained in one of my posts Caught Pants Down that I had to stay with neighbours because all my siblings were in boarding school and I had to stay with a neighbour till my mum got back from work. Every morning and evening, my mum would tell me that; Tobi, if any body tells you to remove your pant, don’t answer o, tell them your mummy said you should not remove your pant for anybody. Thankfully, no one ever told me to remove my pant.
• While still in primary school, when my mum got back from work, she would say; Tobi I am so sorry for coming back late, I was running on the street and shouting my baby o, my baby o and I would buy this story hook, line and sinker. Until I got smarter and one day she pitched the same story and I said ; Mummy, but how can an old person be running on the street and shouting? won’t they think the person is mad? #busted. That was the last time my mum told me that story.
• My mum sings weird songs and I have inherited this attribute from her, she will be in the middle of something and will start singing happy birthday song or the national anthem and I do the same thing only that my own songs are weirder and don’t relate with the current situation.
• Nigerian parents and the internet or smart phones don’t generally mix well, my mum is one of those people but my sister has succeeded in blending her in slowly but surely  but my dad is still a major work in progress. My mum begged my siblings and I to add her on Bbm but we adamantly refused, then she joined whatsapp and almost everyday, she sends this jokes and broadcasts that I have seen like 2 years ago and because I don’t want to hurt her feelings, I have to reply with at least a lol. Once, I buzzed her that my phone was acting crazy and she replied saying I should take it to the psychiatrist immediately and as usual, I replied with lol.
• My moms advise as regards relationships have transitioned over the years, at first it was; I don’t want to see any guy around you at all and then when I got into the university, she would make subtle comments like; who just called you? don’t be giving boys attitude on the phone, reply that text message etc. and then post graduation and nysc, she would say; Tobi, so who are you befriending now? *what in God’s name is befriending? that word just cracks me up*. On valentine’s day last year, I told her I was going out and she said; well, that’s good, go and have fun, kiss, romance but no sex *whatttt, where did that come from? did my mum just say that? I died of embarrassment*.
• When my siblings and I were much more younger, my mum always put up a mean facade when guests were around. Maybe to show that she was a disciplinarian or that was considered cool in the clique of parents. We had to be prim and proper, nothing missing, nothing broken.
• When Nigerian moms are upset with you, you can easily tell and the wisest thing to do is to avoid and keep quiet because even a sigh will be interpreted as something very rude and may earn you a resounding slap. When my mum got upset, she would give the offender all the chores to do, if you made any mistake she would say; hmmmm, you don’t know you will go to your husband’s house abi? Is this how you will make mistakes in your husband’s house?
• My mom can come up with Nollywood worthy stories when she does not approve of some decisions you plan on taking. At a time in my life, I was very sure that my wedding dress was going to be a tube dress and my mum came up with a fascinating story; There was this lady that wore a tube dress on her wedding day while the husband was clad in  suit and tie. while she was dancing into the reception hall, her breasts suddenly flew out of the dress and her mother-in-law was so upset that she cancelled the entire wedding immediately and the lady was left crying and begging. #superstory
• Since I have been able to differentiate right from wrong, my mum has always kept her perfumes in the same spot and she prides herself in the fact that she hides it so well. My siblings and I just exchange glances and smile.
• My mum has given me some intense clap back lines that leaves me wondering where she heard them from and her favourites recently has been; Gag me, who cares, whatever. *really, impressive*
• No secret as regards my siblings and I is really safe with my mum so dear Sister T, Sister L and Brother F, those things you thought I only found out when you told me, I found out earlier from mum either through her un-locked phone or just because I have a listening ear and people find it easy talking to me *wink*
• My mom freaks out a lot so if I am sick and the pain I feel on a scale of 1/10 is 7, I have to pretend to my mom that the pain I feel is just 3 because if she knows the real extent of my pain, she would start panicking, running around and will even make me worse.
• My mom is a qualified nurse and having a nurse as a mom comes with a lot of perks, I get almost all of the treatments I need in the comfort of my room, and because she knows I don’t have a problem with taking injections, she teases me with that. Mum, I have a headache, my stomach hurts and she’ll  say; Will you take injection. #whew

With all these drama, I would not trade my mom for any thing in the world and she sure raised me well. I owe her for life. Love You Mama. xoxoxo.

My mum just sent me a message on whatsapp.

Thank You for taking out time to read this post, please do share your own memorable moments with your mum in the comment section and don’t forget to subscribe. With love from Me to You. xoxoxo.